“I learn by going where I have to go.” Theodore Roethke, American Poet
Recently I went through a very difficult time. You must relate. My view of both inner and outer landscapes during that time appeared dark and erily barren. Desolate. My mind felt useless- in fact I was convinced it was not working, my heart ached and reached for… what? I do not know. My soul felt dusty and to repair my spirit seemed daunting- an insurmountable task that I knew was necessary to go on. I spent hours, days, nights wondering aimlessly how would I do this? I am not sure how I made it through this time. I could not re-write the recipe or re-trace the map that lead me out of darkness and desolation. But I do know the qualities I developed through years of yoga practice and meditation and the simple intention to live a mindful life rose to the surface, or should I say went to task deep within, via a yellow submarine. The culmination of collected qualities along with a handful of shredded yet existent faith granted emotions living just beneath my skin to be 1) acknowledged and 2) felt. Once acknowledged and felt, the emotions; fear, sadness, anxiety, insecurity, anger had no place with me. I finally took time and felt them and surrendered to all that they were. It hurt, it was messy, it was uncomfortably vulnerable and unfamiliar. When the storm passed, prohibitive emotions no longer had power or a place to fester. And what was left was clear space inside me, around me, for me. Pure potential. This space could be filled, or not filled with whatever I choose. What a different place from where I began. Had I not gone there- to that painful place I would not have come out the other side; with less tiresome heaviness, less wasted energy and more understanding, acceptance and joy. I went where I had to go.
I learned by going where I had to go.
Where do you have to go?